Absent, but not Gone

We've not posted an update as so much as been going on and there has been no down time. By way of catching up, and since our last post - we've been working hard on several projects that seemed to run back to back. In February of this year, I began very intense work on my last homeschool conference.  This one was the most grueling conference I can remember in my history with NCHE - but I made it through and then stepped down from my position there.

Immediately following the conference came preparing our house to go on the market to be sold in preparation for our move to Alabama. The house was in pretty good shape, but there was still a lot to do. Mostly moving things out and painting, but it was a lot of physical work. (By-product - I got a little in shape. :) )

Directly following the house - we had a wedding. Kiffer and his fiance hit a couple of planning bugs, and I stepped in to help out. This, too, was tremendous work, but on August 14th, Kiffer and Sarah Rae became husband and wife. We went from the wedding in Brevard to Cambridge, Ontario for a Canadian reception. (The whole family went - Mimi included!)

From Cambridge, we went through Niagra Falls, Washington/Arlington, and Lancaster, PA. It was very enjoyable, sparked an interest in the Amish, and refreshed everyone.

When we were on our way home from Canada there was some time for reflecting on our lives. We have this move coming up, and are all sensing that it's time for change.

Of course, Kiffer getting married has been a little bit of an adjustment. Matthew has graduated from Brevard College, has a great "adult" job, and is living on his own in Brevard. Cliff is still living in Webb and going to school. Michael is getting ready to embark on a journey to Kenya for 3 months with MograStar to work on improving their orphanage and providing a playground for the children.

So... the boys are making their way, and the girls are still at home in school.

WHOA!! Too much! A lot of updating, and probably boring to read, even though I tried to make it short. Sorry about that.

Now to REALLY important things.

I came home from the trip drained; emotionally, physically, and mentally, spiritually, and every other way a person can be drained. I lacked the ability to simply carry on daily life. I realized I was/am in major overload and I needed to do something fast. (My own health AND the health of everyone around me depended on this!!)

So, I have embarked on a life-changing plan. I'm eating healthy and losing weight. I'm trying to rest, and I've had about 2 weeks now of intentionally slowing down to a crawl.

This has been the most difficult adjustment to make. I was in high gear for so long that I didn't know how to slow down. Today is the first day in 13 that I feel like I'm taking a deep breath. I don't know what God has in store for me during this time, but I do know that I'm going to embrace it as much as I can.

I've noticed a pattern in my life. At times when I'm extremely busy, I cry out for a break. The Lord stretches me beyond my perception of capability, and I survive. Those times are followed by down-time - when I have no projects, and even those I conjure up I lack the motivation and energy to complete. Just about the time I've grown accustomed to walking at a snail's pace, the gears get reved up again, and I'm back to full speed.

But the slow times are the hardest for me. I thrive on activity and production. When I am forced to slow down, I cringe and go into withdrawals. It usually takes me days or even, in this case, weeks to accept the steps that my (I know) loving Physician has ordered.

But, I know that following this time of forced repose, there will be another kingdom "project". I will continue to try to relax, slow down, and rest until the next marching orders come.

Until next time....

What's New on the St. Coleman Farm.

Hello once again!

We are sorry for the lack of an update since Christmas time.

All of us have been busy! We now have two kids/siblings that have moved out. Matthew moved out in January, giving Michael and Kiffer their own rooms and Abby and myself (Dara) now hold ownership of the master bedroom upstairs. It's hard to adjust to sitting down to a family dinner and only setting 7 (or sometimes less) plates out instead of 8 or 9! Though the rest of the clan loves the room arrangement, we all miss Cliff and Matthew!!!

Minnie (aka: Mimi) has been doing well. She started therapy back this past week. She has new orthopedic boots that will help stretch her feet out and she'll gain more strength in her legs. We are confident that she'll be walking again. We've been reminding her that the joy of the Lord is her strength and that she is more than a conquerer through Christ... And she is quick to remind us that she's been reading those verses before any of us were born!

Patience: What a word. It is an ability, a quality. We've found out that it truly lives up to its own name in that it takes time to learn such a skill. It reminds me of Superman. He had the ability to fly, but it took him some time to figure out how to use it. We're great at being patient in some places, but others, the Lord is really working on with us.  This is definitely a season of life where we are all having to learn this. 

We are eager to move to Alabama, but we have to be patient for our house to rent. We would love for it to rent right about now... But we are waiting for God to bring the perfect people to live in this place we call home. 

We want Mimi to walk again, but we have to be patient for God's timing. 

I hate saying we "have to wait"... It makes us sound, well, impatient... But we ARE! That's why God is working with us :) The Bible says the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control... Unfortunately, there's no "Moving to Alabama 101" section in the Bible. We've got the Lord and we're practicing the fruits of the Spirit in every way we know how. We're getting prepared for some crazy journey, that's all I know. 

Saying that reminds me of the scene in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe where the Pevensie kids are going across the frozen river, but almost fall through the ice. When the beaver steps in and beats the ice with his tail to make sure it's safe, the kids follow in his footsteps. Well, the Lord is just telling us to be patient and carefully follow in His footsteps. I don't mean to compare God to a talking beaver, but it was a good analogy.  

I kind of saw this picture of God juggling our house situation, Mimi's whole situation, and pretty much our lives. I'm glad God has a steady hand and won't drop anything in this juggling act. I'm sure if we tried all of this on our own, it would fall through the cracks faster than you can say failure.  Trusting Him is all we can do for now! He's got the blueprints for our lives and knows the next step to building this path for us. Isn't the Lord good? He has been consistently faithful, not just in the past year, since Mimi's accident, but through our whole lives. Putting us together as a family, and the events that led up to the marriage of my parents. All of it. He was there and He's still with us. 

I'm reminded of something that Cliff said when he was teaching one day at Joy Outreach Fellowship. He said that God challenges us. He's with us, but He doesn't mind putting his kids up to a challenge. Cliff said it's kind of like a father that is teaching their child to walk. They say "come on! You've got this! Keep going!!" then when the child takes that step, the father takes another step backwards. It challenges his child to walk one more step to get into their father's arms.  Another thing Cliff said during that teaching was that we're not made to sit down and buckle up. If we want to experience the full joy of the roller coaster, we've got to throw our hands in the air and have fun.  (is anyone besides me singing Taio Cruz's song Dynamite here??) 

This entire experience with Mimi has put us in an almost organized chaos. I'm not sure what's next, but I think I can speak for all of us that are going to be in Alabama, all we want is to be down there. We're sick of being "part-time" Alabamans... We want the full time job of living in the South! 

Thanks for reading this! Please continue to pray for us in our move, for Mimi and us, or, if you don't know what to pray... Then pray until you know what to pray about! :) 

We love all of you very, very much! 

-Dara 

Looking Back

New Year’s Greetings from 

The Coleman’s and St. Marie’s

Regroup & Rethink

2010 started for our family much like it did for many others; with peace, celebration, and a strong sense of future. Shortly afterward, on February 11th, our lives were changed forever. The day began like any other winter day, but by evening we were in Mission Hospital ICU with Mimi. (Tim’s Mom, aka Ms. Minnie, aka Rev. Mignon Coleman). At Transylvania Regional hospital for a routine test, she had suffered a full cardiac arrest, during which her brain went without oxygen for several moments. Once stabilized, she was airlifted to Mission Hospital in Asheville. Suddenly, what we knew (or thought we knew) to be true.. wasn’t. We were thrown for a loop in every possible way. Our family was interrupted, our relationships began to take on a new fervor, and our faith was to be eternally shaken. 

Eternal vs. Temporal 

We spent the next 3 weeks living in Asheville and we were at the hospital almost every waking minute. We found ourselves being hanged between the temporal and the eternal; and having to choose where to live. There was nothing really wrong with Mom’s body, but she would not wake up. They had ceased the IV sedative drugs initiated during the arrest, but still, she was not responding. The temporal was demanding fear of us.  

Minnie is a great woman of faith, but now, as far as we knew, she was not aware of anything on this earth. We would eventually come to know that Mom’s cardiac arrest had left her without oxygen just long enough to cause an Anoxic/Hypoxic brain injury - the extent of which was completely unknown at this point. She remained in a comatose state for her entire stay in the hospital. At that time, the temporal pressed us on all sides -the doctors, the thoughts and doubts, the prognoses. There seemed to be nothing to point us beyond the present. 

But there was no hope looking at what we could see. Our choice, as a family, would be to dwell in eternity, and believe for her recovery. We knew this would be the only sure-footed place we could walk. The eternal gives way to faith.

Joy In the Morning 

Those were long days and nights... long days and nights of not knowing. Then, on March 4th, and even though she was not conscious or showing signs of brain activity, we made a decision as a family, (against the advice of the medical community), to bring Mom to our home instead of sending her to a long-term care facility. We brought her hospital room home and began caring for someone who could not now, and may never, respond to us.

But, she was surrounded by family - lots of activity and noise - and after only a few days she began to become more aware of us, which we could tell from eye and head movements. It was a couple more weeks and she began to make verbal sounds. We didn’t know if there were anything she understood, or if she would ever be able to respond with any coherence to us - the doctors had given us no hope. But as the vocal sounds began coming, the proverbial morning light began to dawn. We had our first evidence that what we had trusted for all along was going to manifest. 

There was one joyous evening in particular when several of us were gathered around her bed (in the middle of our family room), and we began to ask her to look at different members to see if she recognized who they were. She responded with great accuracy and we were elated. Then Cliff thought he heard her say his name. We asked her to repeat herself and she did! Next we asked her to say another name - which she did. Then we pointed to Tim and said, “Who’s that?” She responded, “Tim.” I remember sitting on her bed when Tim asked, “Who is that?” She responded by saying my name! There was such great rejoicing in our home that night! After a long 2 months, we finally had something to hold on to. 

Overwhelmed 

We started with home health coming in about 3 times per week for Occupational, Physical and Speech Therapy. Because of her response to this, it was decided that she was ready for more, and she was admitted to an Inpatient facility, beginning an overwhelming few months. She was in the Inpatient facility for about a month, and we traveled back and forth to Asheville daily. She was moved to outpatient in June, which meant transporting her in the car 3 or 4 times per week. (It took about 2 hours of preparation time every day to get out of the house.) 

Progress was slow and tedious - for everyone - but we were watching a miracle in progress. She was still not fully aware of her surroundings, and still having times, even during therapy, that she would just space out. (This was due to the brain injury and having not regained full consciousness yet.) This was a challenge, as we had limited appointment time with the therapists. Her physical strength had diminished greatly, her muscles atrophied, as well as having joints that were inactive because of the brain injury. She didn’t have much stamina, and tired easily during therapy, sometimes causing them to cut it short. 

She was (and is) having to re-learn how to do everything - move her body, use her hands, talk, and even think. (She worked for weeks to learn to grab a cup.) By the end of August she had made enough progress that she was beginning to be able to stand with assistance. Quite the miracle, since just six months earlier the medical community had not given us any hope of recovery.

A setback came in the middle August, though, when she and I took a fall during a transfer while visiting my parents. As a result, Mom had a hip fracture that wasn’t discovered until a month later. In September, it was decided that a full hip replacement was the best option, but the surgery was not completed until Mid-November. Post surgery recovery was slow, at best - not like a “normal” person. Her brain injury caused confusion about pain and what had happened, as well as other aspects of recovery. 

(By the first of December physical therapy had begun again, and after about 3 months of no therapy at all, is currently making slow progress.)

Immanuel

TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) always leaves behind one person and begins another. It is unpredictable in every way, except for its unpredictability. In Mom’s case, it has changed her - body, mind, and soul. If but for a little while, she has virtually lost use of her body,  she can’t always process well mentally, her short term memory is unpredictable - and she needs someone to do everything for her. Because of this, there is always someone from our family with her, and usually two people.

As a family, and individually, we have not faced anything like this before. It requires our attention twenty-four hours a day and seven days a week. The reality in which we live is that Tim and I are frequently drained of energy, and are tired a good bit of the time. As a family, we struggle to have time together, and to keep everyone enthusiastic and positive. All of our relationships have suffered as a result of this event. As you can imagine, our stress levels continually run high, with very little margin. In addition to taking care of Mom full-time, we have seven children, (5 at home), we homeschool, Tim works full-time, I run the house, and also continue to run North Carolina’s state homeschool conference every year.

Our care of Mom is only partially about her physical being. Much of what we deal with is the rest of her - her spirit and soul. She is much more complicated than she used to be. Sometimes she is very vocal about what she wants, and sometimes she’s confused about what’s real or what’s possible to achieve in her current state. Her emotions are fragile, and it’s difficult for her to remain positive. We walk a fine tightrope between making decisions for the Minnie that isn’t able to make them for herself, and honoring the desires of the Minnie who still knows very much what she wants. These two people intertwine and sometimes it’s difficult to figure out which one is talking at the moment.

It is difficult to imagine what she must feel like having her world so dramatically impacted. And it is completely understandable that it is, at best, difficult, for her to cope with her new reality. OUR family is given the mandate to help and encourage her to excel above coping, to keep focused on recovery, and to maintain a will that surmounts all the obstacles she most certainly faces and will continue to face. 

Any strength that any of us posses on a given day comes from knowing that we are all under the watchful eye of the One who covers us continually with His care. None of us has the ability to live this through human power. We know that we can only walk this road through and in the God who dwells with us.

Change: “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Maria Robinson

Lots of things have changed in each of our lives this year, and we learned months ago that we can’t ever go back. We can only move forward. We’ve learned to take each day on it’s own merit - and change is a part of EVERY day for us. So.. to sum up our year and our lives right now - one word? Change.

Circumstances and situations have shifted on many levels. We are not ending the year with the same Minnie Coleman with whom we began it. Mom is not the same, and in all likelihood never will be the same as she was just one year ago. She’s living with us permanently. She is no longer at Living Waters. We moved her belongings to a storage unit near our house in October. She has great anointing, and thrives when she’s flowing in it. We’ve watched God close doors this year, and we’re now we’re watching Him open new ones. Mom hasn’t yet fulfilled her destiny - it’s just shifting to a new focus. 

That’s our year in review. We’ve cried, we’ve struggled, we’ve fought, we’ve laughed, and we’ve grown. It’s not over yet, but we continue to see the hand of God keeping us through this leg of our journey.

Excitement about the Future

As a family, we know that God has a future for us. We know that we will always be surrounded by our Kingdom family, who will offer a strong support system for all of us, as well as ministry opportunities for Minnie and the rest of us. The possibility of what is yet to be creates a new excitement for our family - a refueling and hope for our future. We are actively listening every day for God's direction.

So we are ending this year much differently than we began it - with a different Minnie Coleman than the one with whom we started. All of us are different people now, and we’re not yet what we will be. We are grateful for life, love, family, and most of all, the Constant Hand of our Loving Father. 

Blessings to all of you for the new year dawning. May the grace of God keep you and may your families grower closer and richer in Him. 

(The plan for this blog is to allow you to see intimately into our lives, thoughts, struggles, and celebrations throughout the year.)

Signed; One Voice

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